How to explain that some couples manage to go through hard times, infidelity, separation, when others find themselves immediately destroyed? One study has shown that “resilient” relationships have 7 characteristics.
We all know them. Couples who resist against all odds, even the most terrible of life. Who hang on and manage to stay together when so many others crash into each other in the first storm. Psychology professor Dr. George S. Everly has established that strong, resilient relationships have 7 characteristics that increase their likelihood of being able to bounce back in the face of adversity.
1. They build an active optimism
More than a normal belief, or than a hope that things will go well, active optimism is defined by George S. Everly as a moral commitment to act and to make things right. In resilient relationships, both partners avoid cynicism, criticism, hurtful comments directed at the other (and at themselves). Added to this virtuous circle is the confidence they have in themselves: they know that together they are stronger.
2. They show honesty
These couples believe that honesty and integrity is the best policy. They try to practice it daily. Everyone also agrees to take responsibility and forgive the other for their weaknesses and small or big betrayals, as well as to forgive themselves.
3. They are determined
They have the courage to make decisive decisions (to move, to embark on a project together, to leave everything to go around the world), even if these can be risky and a source of anxiety.Even for a strong couple.
4. They are stubborn with life
Faced with the vagaries of life, setbacks, failures, these couples fight discouragement with extraordinary perseverance, in particular thanks to strong reciprocal support. However, strong couples also know when to let go and move in another direction.
5. They demonstrate self-control
Still according to George S. Everly, self-control is this ability to control one’s impulses, to avoid behaviors that are destructive for the couple and that hurt love (outbursts, denigration, spite, etc.) and vice versa , to take care of the couple.
6. Strong couple knows how to communicate
A strong relationship is one where both partners are able to communicate well, express their needs and hear the other’s needs. For George S. Everly, more often the conversations we don’t want to have are just the conversations we need to have.
7. Strong couples cooperate
In these couples, a certain serenity reigns. Non-judgment and cooperation are essential. Everyone can express their ideas, feel encouraged to come up with new solutions, to think beyond the norm and know that they can count on the other to think together and to put their desires into action.
A solid relationship is built on common values (trust, commitment, respect…). These are the ones who consolidate the couple’s pact over the days. On what basis is based yours? Are they stable or wavering? Are you building a lasting relationship?